It's especially important to be aware of red flags in the initial "getting to know you" stage and during a dating relationship. Being familiar with these behaviors is vitally important for your own safety or the safety of a family/friend. If one or more of these characteristics become apparent, do NOT dismiss them, do NOT ignore them, do NOT excuse them!  They can be strong indicators of a relationship having the potential to be unhealthy or abusive that can result in years or decades of pain. Seek wise counsel through a pastor, church leader, parent, close friend, or counselor to know how to best move forward. Here is a list of the common warning signs:

• The number one red flag is Jealousy!!
• Extremely possessive
• Accuse you of flirting or cheating on them
• Monitor all your activities and demands to know where you are at all times
• Seems "to good to be true" (Fairy tale romance)
• Controlling behavior
• Subtly smother you
• Opinion about everything you do and say
• Love Bombing - says "I love you" early on in the relationship
• Gets too serious too fast (quickly try to sweep you off your feet)
• Disrespectful to woman (how do they treat their mom/sisters/waitresses?)
• Unrealistic expectations
• Threaten suicide if you break up with them
• Extreme mood swings
• Blame others for problems/feelings
• Disrespectful or cruel to others
• Breaking/striking objects
• Constantly need validation
• Hypersensitivity
• Lose temper quickly
• Road rage
• Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde personality (loving one minute and exploding the next)
• Start isolating/restricting contact from family and friends
• Ignore you, give you the silent treatment
• Tell you how to dress or act
• Harms you or threatens to physically harm you in any way
• Unwanted sexual advances
• Disregard your boundaries
• Ignore you in a time of need
• Not saying sorry
• Look at your text messages/email without your permission
• They are very dependent on you
• They have an "entitlement" mentality (believe they deserve special treatment)
• Air of superiority 
• Sarcasm (hurtful comments then say, "I was just kidding, can't you take a joke.")

Here are some statistics on teen dating violence:

• 1 in 4 teen relationships are abusive.
• 1 in 3 teenagers report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner. 
• Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend had threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a break-up.
• 13% of teenage girls who said they have been in a relationship report being physically hurt or hit. 
• More than 1 in 4 teenage girls in a relationship (26%) report en- during repeated verbal abuse. Nearly 80% of girls who have been physically abused in their intimate relationships continue to date their abuser.
  

Questions teens need to ask about their relationship, do they. . .

• Become jealous of your other relationships?
• Call, text, or email numerous times during a day?
• Expect an immediate phone call or text back?
• Often make the decisions of where to go, what to do, and when?
• Demand that you spend most of your time with them?
• Call you names or threaten you?
• Often criticize your appearance?
• Hit, kick, punch, shove, or physically hurt you when they are angry?
• Often have angry outbursts?
• Blame you for their problems and behavior?
• Treat you nicely in public, but demean and hurt you in private?
• Become easily angered or irritated?
• Disrespect your parents?
• Demand an exclusive relationship?
• Criticize your friends and family?
• Make you do things you are not comfortable doing?
• Stalk you?
• Attack or make fun of your beliefs and opinions?
• Demean or joke about you in the presence of others?
• Require sex in any form from you

Do you. . .

• Feel the need to always defend yourself ?
• Have to give an accounting of your time when you are away from him/her?
• Need to ask permission to do something that does not include him/her?
• Feel afraid of him/her?
• Feel that you cannot do some of the activities you once did because he/she does not want you to
• Feel your thoughts, opinions, and feelings are not being considered?
• Make excuses for his/her behavior?
  

To read a series of pre-marital abuse assessment questions taken from the book, "Is It Abuse?: A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and Helping Victims" click HERE.