When counseling with women, there are situations where a team approach is implemented, between me and the spouse's counselor. This would be in situations where trust has been broken, as a result of 1) A spouses sexual acting out, and/or, 2) Abusive/controlling behaviors. If the couple is desiring to take steps to repair the relationship, then a professionally guided formal disclosure process is used.
A full, formal disclosure is essentially a transfer of information. The primary aim is for the betrayer to provide information to their partner of the sexual acting out and/or the offender to take full ownership for their abusive/controlling behaviors.
It is designed to be a very safe, supportive, and structured space for both parties before, during, and after the disclosure.
The betrayer/offender works with their counselor to write out a full disclosure letter. This is a carefully constructed document that compiles a complete and honest account of all necessary information needed. When the letter is finished, a few hours of time are blocked off, and both counselors and spouses come together for the reading of the disclosure.
The focus after the formal disclosure shifts to providing their partner, the one who has been betrayed or victimized, the opportunity to express, through a personal impact letter, how they have been wounded/affected by their spouse's behavior. Typically, this happens within a few weeks to a few months after the disclosure session. I will help my client in the process of creating and structuring their impact letter.
The entire process, from beginning to end, can be a very difficult and emotionally exhausting path to walk. It's like cleaning out an infected wound, which is never a pleasant experience. Things may even get worse before it gets better. However, it also has the potential to be a powerfully healing and transformative endeavor.
Facilitated disclosures serve as the foundation for the relational work to begin being built upon in order to repair/restore safety and trust.
The disclosure process provides an opportunity for both individuals to clear out the painful lies in their relationship and take steps toward healing. That is the hope, though, there are no guarantees a relationship will survive even after going through these steps.